BAD Blogger

Yes, I know, so very bad.  It's not like there's been anything up or anything, like ...a new job!  Yes, after 7 long years at my old job I made a move.  So far it seems like a nice enough place.  There's been meetings, and more meetings, and meetings in Chicago.

I'm a bit meetinged out.  I do like what I'm doing, but wow, I feel like that kid that just switched schools mid year; everything is shiny and new, but you keep forgetting your locker combination and you don't know who the "cool kids" are yet.








We also had a heck of a long weekend, last week.  Hubby's sister, her BF, and their 4 y/o daughter, came into town.

We went to various kid-friendly spots (Natural History Museum, Bronx Zoo, etc)  It is amazing how a little more activity and a change in routine tire me out.  I am mentally and physically exhausted beyond belief.

I guess generally I have really been feeling burned out mentally and physically.  I know job changes are stressful.  I also had the one year anniversary of the loss of our first pregnancy in March.  I've just been noticing how little things that are of no significance are bothering me more than they should.  I'm also not a very girly girl, but I've recently been very quick to cry over ANYTHING.  It really feels like I can't get excited or happy or optimistic about anything All this, plus my usual lack of sleep, just makes me a delightful person to be around.

Anyone have a good suggestion for getting over this kind of blah feeling hump?  Even Spring hasn't done much to raise the spirits.

So I went from this:

To this:

Which earned me this:

 Woo hoo!  February has been a very stressful month for many reasons that I just don't want to even go into, but this was a bright spot and a great way to end the month!  I started the Gaenor Shawl 2 days after the start of the Olympics and bound off at 1:50 pm today.  I cut it a bit close because 1) I am a slow ass knitter 2) I started 2 days late 3) I forced myself to finish my Valentine's Saroyan before starting this, and 4) it's just been a crazy month personally.  So while I initially thought that the whole Ravelympics thing wasn't for me, I am very glad to have participated and completed.

On my list of other things that caused me joy this month are:
I love historical novels about NY and this has really been a great read!














Madelinetosh Etsy Site - because let's face it, if you're as obsessed with yarn as I am, spending hours stalking a website and making split second yarn purchasing decisions is just plain fun.  Buying yarn from this site should be an Olympic sport with the amount of competition there is for these babies.

The Kindle.  If you commute on public transportation, you know how important it is to have one less bulky thing in your purse.  I just love having access to thousands of books in this little device without weighing down my bag!












After the weather we've been having (2 whole days of snow last Wed and Thurs!) I hope March brings us some warmer weather!

Simple requests..

Ummm, yeah hi, 2010, go to hell.  Seriously, last year sucked enough, can you stop throwing my life into a tailspin over and over again??  So now that I'm filled with emotional baggage and am more fragile emotionally than I know how to deal with and you have the nerve to pile on more crap and change?  Stop.  Please?  I seriously need to coast right now.   I need for my mind to not be in a 100 different directions.  I just need some inner peace an tranquility.  Is that on sale somewhere? If so, I need about 10 year's worth ASAP.  For the next few months I'd like to not have comfort anyone, not deal with health issues (mine or others), not feel like crying at the drop of a hat, not feel like my world is going to end, not think about dead babies and painful medical procedures, and not feel like I'm constantly at a crossroads in my life and having to make life altering decisions.  Oh, and I'd like to be able to sleep.  I know, I know, I'm a selfish bitch.

Birthday

This past Sunday marked the the tenth birthday I've spent with my husband (his 35th).  We went to a great restaurant which is located on a working farm and almost all the ingredients are fresh from that farm.  There's actually no set menu, instead there is a list of ingredients listed on the menu which the chefs can choose from to create a meal (or 8 courses!) of their choice.  They ask you if you have any food allergies (me-shellfish *sigh*) and then they ask you if there are any ingredients you would rather not have.  Being the culinary adventurous couple we are, we opted for an anything goes approach.  The most "exotic" course were the sweetbreads, but every course was a delight to the senses.  Great presentation, lovely smells, and amazing flavors.  I tried taking some photos with the hubby's I-Phone, but it was way too dark, so this was the best I could do.

What has been your favorite meal or restaurant, and what made it so special?

Twenty Ten or Two Thousand Ten?

Which one is it?  And do you just call it "ten" for short?
My new year began with a 24 hour marathon of Pushing Daisies on DVD.

 Did anyone get to watch that show?  I was obsessed.  Between the knitting obsessed private detective and the awesome pies and cute bakery shop-how could you not love it?!

Then 5 minutes prior to midnight we switched over to the live telecast of Times Square on NY1 and watched 2009 be put to rest. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE WAY OUT '09!   My lovely husband got some champagne and cheese and that's what we had after midnight.

My adorable little dog, Lulu, found herself snuggling with her new toy at midnight.

I also present to you my first FO for the new year!

Yes, I made the ubiquitous Clapotis which has been all the rage on Ravelry for years.  It was made with gorgeous Sundara ASM in Toasted Orange Over Pistachio.  I love the yarn I was a little disappointed with how small the clap was.  I followed the pattern to the letter, but maybe I didn't block it enough.  Who knows?  Regardless, it was a project that I was scared of tackling in April of '09, so it's nice to have gotten over my fear of knitting anything other than a scarf.  If I ever make another I will make modifications to the pattern to make it longer.

I've also cast on for  two other projects.  The Irish hiking scarf using Madelinetosh Worsted in Moorland, and Snapdragon tam in Madelinetosh Merino in Tart.  Can I just say, I am obsessed with the Tart colorway.  It reminds me of the color red velvet cupcakes...yumm....

I've also been scanning the usual knitblogs and came across Funky Carolina's post about what inspires her.  She posted an amazing youtube video featuring Ray LaMontage and Damien Rice (swoon!).  I just saw Ray LaMontagne at the Beacon Theatre this past November, and he was even more amazing live.  For those who have not yet heard of Ray, I recommend you check him out. Ray & Damien

Good Riddance to 2009!

Wow, could there be a worse year than 2009?  Just to update, we lost one pregnancy in February and then another one in November.  What a way to lose all hope and joy.  Ok, ok, I have to stop thinking about 2009 and look forward to 2010.  I think I need to come up with a bucket list (and no, there's no imminent death).  How often have we all thought about things we'd "like to do someday" but never do it?  I'm going to put these things on a list and give myself a one year deadline to doing them.  Of course, I'd love to have the cure for cancer or world peace on that list, but these are just things that I've wanted to do (and am ABLE to do) and  some are just frivolous things that happen to be important to me.

2010 List of things to do         

take 1 picture per day- I love photography but I need to get out there and find interesting subjects in my everyday life to capture.

knit a vest- 5 years of knitting and all I have to show for it are some hats, cowls and scarves?!  Come on, it's time to bite the bullet and make some clothes!

Maybe, I'll start with the honeycomb vest? http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEspring08/PATThoneycomb.html

knit a cardigan- (for the same reason as above). Maybe the tea leaves cardigan? http://www.madelinetosh.com/patterns-tea-leaves-cardigan.html

plan two long weekends away- we need these.  We plan big trips away, but neglect to take some short spurts of time away, especially when things get hectic.  Plus, it's time to finally go to a cute B&B in New England and look at the fall foliage (perhaps while knitting a sweater??)

work out or go out for a long walk at least twice a week- because I'm fat!  I lost some much needed weight this year and gained it back.  It's time to bite the bullet and get cracking!

Blog- I like writing.  I'm not great at it, but I think it's a great way to vent and I need more of that, especially given this lovely year!  Plus, I hate reading someone's blog only to find that their last update was in 2006!

"Knit on with confidence and hope, through all crises."

So, I'm pretty new to knitting.  By new, I mean about 5 years ago I taught myself the basics- knit, purl, yarn overs, etc.  However, I've really had a love/hate relationship to knitting.  I have  grandiose dreams of finishing lots of increasingly difficult projects.  In actuality I get stuck on one simple step and I put the knitting aside and don't pick it up for months on end.  This year, or the end of last month to be exact, I vowed that that would change.  I wanted to start a project and finish it, and more importantly, I wanted to stick to it through thick and thin and knit at least one row daily.    So far, so good.  Given all that's been going on since the beginning of February, knitting, or rather my newfound obsessiveness with it has kept me sane, or at least from jumping off a roof.  I read a quote from Elizabeth Zimmerman,"Knit on with confidence and hope, through all crises."  What a great quote!  It's become my unofficial mantra.  

My obsession for knitting has taken the place of obsessively researching the internet to find out why I had lost a pregnancy last month and how I could survive it.  I  was convinced that somewhere in this vast universe of cyberspace, someone had to know.  I didn't find those answers, instead, what I did find were excruciatingly painful stories of loss and a wonderful network of women on Ravelry who were feeling what I was.  I learned that I will learn to laugh and have joy, but will always have a scar in my heart.  I've also been helped tremendously by the strength of the women in my family and am humbled by what they have been through and how they survived it.  They're strength has bolstered me.  I've also been amazed by my husband.  He is so strong yet gentle.  His tears and hand to hold through this horrible loss have brought us even closer together (which I never thought possible given how close we already were).  

March has been a month of remembrance so far.  I made it this week through the one month anniversary of the loss of our baby.  It feels like it happened so long ago, like this sadness is all I remember.  At the same time the feelings are still very raw.  The emotional roller coaster continues, but overall it's been a better week than last.