Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My Last Meal

My last meal was enjoyable.  I took my time eating every last bit and fully  enjoyed the flavors meld together in my mouth.  The last meal was a very greasy cheeseburger with bacon and blue cheese, side of fries, and a snickers milk shake; because if you're going to go out, you go out with a bang.  Unfortunately, I was having a few too many of these "last meals" lately and my weight had ballooned....A lot.  While mealtimes were generally an orgy of culinary delights, there was little else I was looking forward to.  My "fat" pants were starting to feel snug, and shopping for plus size clothing is never an enjoyable endeavor.  Then there were the lovely feelings of lethargy, sadness, and loneliness.  I bought clothes so that they could hide me, I bought makeup to somehow contour my face to make it look slimmer.  All the while, I kept missing out on life, preferring to hide in a corner and not bring attention to myself, rather than be seen.  I got really good at living with the charade of being happy no matter how I looked or felt.  Then my 10th anniversary came around, and I realized that I've now been fat for over a decade of my life and I will never get this time back.  The inevitable- "how did I let this goon for so long" feeling came over me, along with the-"I am just too far gone to be able to change" feeling.

On Sept 9th, I got desperate.  I din't know what it was about that day, but I had had it.  I called Jenny Craig and signed up.  It's been a rough 2.5 months.  While I've stuck pretty closely to the diet and l have had to improvise--unfortunately after-work drinks with clients are just a big part of my job.  I've learned to stop after one glass of wine (SO DIFFICULT) and eat and enjoy salads (depute the fact that they are green and not deep fired) I try my best to just look at food as fuel.  Fuel I need to get me through the day.   Also, contrary to popular advice I weigh myself every day--multiple times a day, because it helps me gauge what I did correctly or what I can learn from during that day--it's a huge motivator for me.

So here we are 2.5 months later and I have shed 27 lbs.  It was hard fought, but I have to tell you, this is the most alive I have felt in years.  I wake up excited to see what the day will bring.  I love being active and feel friendlier and more approachable (no small feet for a NYer!).  Most of all, there's a spark that went out in me that seems to have been re-lit.

Now, I am not even at my halfway goal yet, (Still have another 45 pounds to go!) The renewed energy and confidence, not to mention the new clothing size, is still extremely satisfying and exciting for me.

I leave you with some before pics...

10 Year Anniversary in Rome

 and afters (or at least Right Nows)

1 month in and getting into some skinny jeans (finally!)

Thanksgiving Day

I put on a dress...and it fit!!
Happy with results so far!

As I mentioned, I have more to go and want to continue to be motivated and continue to feel energized.  I would love o hear what motivates you.  What major change have you made in your life (doesn't have to be diet related)?  What caused you to make the change and how are you staying on goal?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sometimes things in life just make you smile and make you forget about whatever stupid thing just caused your bad mood (my boss, my job, etc).  Today, this is what that did it for me:  the look of unfettered joy.

Followed by a more "demure" look.

This is my goddaughter/niece, Olivia.  She is the sweetest thing ever, and my husband and I feel very humbled and fortunate to play such an important role in her life.  We love her to pieces and despite living far away from her, it's pictures like these that just bring a smile to my face; not to mention cause massive pangs of envy in my ovaries!
We'll be seeing this sweet girl in a few weeks in when we all converge in San Diego.  Can't wait!

Hope she brightens your day as well.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Treasure in the Tin Box

As much as I appreciate how easily it is to communicate in this age, I do miss letters.  A long awaited letter that had been touched and licked by the sender and sometimes smelled like them, set my young teenage heart aflutter.  Depending on the contents, it was something you could read, dissect, analyze the meaning behind those words, re-read, tear up, crumple, uncrumple, kiss, burn, or tuck under your pillow.  More importantly, it was something you could keep forever to remind you of who you were or were trying to be, who you loved and who loved you.  I'm fascinated how words on a page can make you smile,  remember, move you to tears, inflame your passions, and make you fall in love--sometimes all one letter.  

It's a bit sad to think that we now live in a world where we barely write letters;  where children are not even taught to write in cursive; where the sweet sensation of holding a letter has been replaced by the glare of a monitor, or handheld device.  In an age where communication is so instantaneous, we no longer place much value on written letters and how we would have to wait days, weeks, or even months for a reply to a letter.  I sometimes wonder if we've dumbed down our messages to each other because we know how little effort it takes to send them and how little value they have when received.  In this electronic age, has our communication improved?  Do we really sit down and think about what we want to truly say before we e-mail it?  I still remember at times taking hours to write a letter. Sometime there would be multiple balls of crumpled paper around me, because I just couldn't sort my thoughts, or couldn't convey how I truly felt.  Writing a two or three sentence letter was just a waste and a disappointment to the person who was to receive your words--yet we now do that all the time!

Having moved to the U.S. at a young age, I still remember the weekly letters my mom wrote to her parents.  She had a tin box that held the old international "par avion" envelopes, lined paper, and pens.  That tin had a place of honor in our home.  I still have a lot of those old letters and postcards my grandparents, now deceased, had sent us.  I so grateful to have them.  To be able to see their handwriting, and how it changed  depending on mood, or to be able to make out a letter blurred by an errant tear, is a treasure I fear we have now lost.