Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My Last Meal

My last meal was enjoyable.  I took my time eating every last bit and fully  enjoyed the flavors meld together in my mouth.  The last meal was a very greasy cheeseburger with bacon and blue cheese, side of fries, and a snickers milk shake; because if you're going to go out, you go out with a bang.  Unfortunately, I was having a few too many of these "last meals" lately and my weight had ballooned....A lot.  While mealtimes were generally an orgy of culinary delights, there was little else I was looking forward to.  My "fat" pants were starting to feel snug, and shopping for plus size clothing is never an enjoyable endeavor.  Then there were the lovely feelings of lethargy, sadness, and loneliness.  I bought clothes so that they could hide me, I bought makeup to somehow contour my face to make it look slimmer.  All the while, I kept missing out on life, preferring to hide in a corner and not bring attention to myself, rather than be seen.  I got really good at living with the charade of being happy no matter how I looked or felt.  Then my 10th anniversary came around, and I realized that I've now been fat for over a decade of my life and I will never get this time back.  The inevitable- "how did I let this goon for so long" feeling came over me, along with the-"I am just too far gone to be able to change" feeling.

On Sept 9th, I got desperate.  I din't know what it was about that day, but I had had it.  I called Jenny Craig and signed up.  It's been a rough 2.5 months.  While I've stuck pretty closely to the diet and l have had to improvise--unfortunately after-work drinks with clients are just a big part of my job.  I've learned to stop after one glass of wine (SO DIFFICULT) and eat and enjoy salads (depute the fact that they are green and not deep fired) I try my best to just look at food as fuel.  Fuel I need to get me through the day.   Also, contrary to popular advice I weigh myself every day--multiple times a day, because it helps me gauge what I did correctly or what I can learn from during that day--it's a huge motivator for me.

So here we are 2.5 months later and I have shed 27 lbs.  It was hard fought, but I have to tell you, this is the most alive I have felt in years.  I wake up excited to see what the day will bring.  I love being active and feel friendlier and more approachable (no small feet for a NYer!).  Most of all, there's a spark that went out in me that seems to have been re-lit.

Now, I am not even at my halfway goal yet, (Still have another 45 pounds to go!) The renewed energy and confidence, not to mention the new clothing size, is still extremely satisfying and exciting for me.

I leave you with some before pics...

10 Year Anniversary in Rome

 and afters (or at least Right Nows)

1 month in and getting into some skinny jeans (finally!)

Thanksgiving Day

I put on a dress...and it fit!!
Happy with results so far!

As I mentioned, I have more to go and want to continue to be motivated and continue to feel energized.  I would love o hear what motivates you.  What major change have you made in your life (doesn't have to be diet related)?  What caused you to make the change and how are you staying on goal?

1 comment:

Lisa Marie said...

YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Oh, Mo! You have always been and always will be such a beautiful woman, but frankly, you're looking dangerously hot.

Now stop that. You're making the rest of us look bad.

I don't know what keeps everyone else going, but I had to accept a few things.
1) I would cheat/fail during the process.
2) Cheating/failure in the process does not mean that the entire process is a failure.
3) I can forgive myself.
4) I can step back into correct behavior. I can do it instantly.

Gah. Lifestyle changes suck. But you are gorgepous and awesome!